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If you follow these pages in Atlanta then you have seen my freak out over the past week. I publicized it on while still maintaining the anonymity that comes from communicating online, so I was able to broadcast my broken heart for the world (city) without having to show my face during my pathetic outburst. If you witnessed it, well, yeah, it was bad, and I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry I had to see that. :) For everyone who sent me encouraging messages, thank you, that was very kind and they were able to make me smile briefly even during a dark hour (week). If you sent me messages trying to hook up with me, shame on you. The man I was upset about took time to get to know who I was, and in your future dealings with women, maybe you should try that. We respond to sincerity gentlemen, always keep that in mind. If you can't be sincere, then try to fake it, and do it well. If you sent me mean, hateful messages meant to hurt me or screw with me when I was already down, then shame on you too. Something is wrong with you. Everyone I am a strong, educated, intelligent, beautiful, funny, goofy, quirky, sexy, caring, compassionate, ambitious, spiritual, and capable woman. I work very hard and I play even harder. In a relationship, I tend to be the boss to put it nicely, but I am also your best friend, lover, confidant, and sweet girl next door. I don't mind getting my hands dirty. I'm not worried about nails breaking. I also love to throw on a dress and heels and go dancing or play the perfect hostess (I love to cook:)). Your friends all think I'm great and are slightly jealous of you, and your family thinks you could not have found anyone better. Women are complicated creatures, and we have very many sides to us. I spent the past several weeks orienting my life around one person. I slowly became the woman who "sits by the " so to speak. Ugh! It was terrible. I am not that woman at all, and looking back I can't believe I let that happen, but as a very sweet man on pointed out, you live and you learn and you move on. Now I know the signs. :-P Thank you for your kindness. It came at the perfect time. I am not going to spend any time bashing this man. He is a great person. We are two sides of the same coin. There is still a part of me that is , because I think at the very least we should have become friends, but that is not in my control, and I have to start accepting what is not in my control. I sound like I'm at an AA meeting. :-P I am actually grateful to him and for him. His influence made me make some changes in my life that were needed and he brought me great happiness while I knew him. Thank you. :) To anyone out there who is a broken heart: If it's fresh, then I know you can't hear this right now, but it will get better. I think when we meet people who make an impact, and especially when we fall hard, it becomes difficult to maintain perspective. We might start to worry what this other person thinks of us, when if we think about it, we didn't even know this person before we met, and we all got along just fine. Right? So, why would we let someone else dictate who we are, how we act, what we think? I know it happens, and other opinions are necessary for us to grow and evolve, but when things end, it's important to remember who you are without this person. The optimal scenario would be to consciously hang on to your individuality and all the big and little things that make you, you. However, if you have already made the mistake of not doing that, then you will know to next time. Okay? If your broken heart has been healing for a while now, no matter how slowly, then I think you can hear the truth in my words. My brain always knew it, even though my heart was not willing to listen. :) As for my guy, well, you once said that I was an who was sent here just for you. You may have been right, but you messed up, and now, I don't know what happens. That choice is up to you. What I DO know, is after a week of losing myself, I finally found her again, and not you, or anyone else is ever allowed to take her away again. Maybe I should be grateful for your absence since it made this little realization possible, and I needed to remember myself. I now remember that I decide everything, and if you, or anyone, can't handle that, then that's your problem, not mine. I also remember that I have the power to complete my own New Year's Resolution and will be doing so on my own, as well as finding out what it's like to ride "with the windows down." And crazy enough, I'm really excited, even without your support. I have it in myself. So, thank you to my guy and to (the nice ones), and you should no longer have to any of my rants. I wish you all the best, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Oh, and I'm keeping Kinky , because I think it describes me perfectly. So, thank you for that too..lets....talk....nsa.
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